Outspoken Nothingness

Thursday, June 15, 2006

It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's.. It's Just My Life Passing Me By!

Love –
It's supposed to be one of, if not the most, spontaneous things people go through; or should be. A million feelings, a million thoughts, a lot of times a million obstacles. Suddenly, nothing is black or white – you crossed over into the gray territory, a place where nothing is certain, nothing is simple rollercoaster of emotions.

And yet, it seems that even the experiences of love, marriage, and commitment are a routine here. Everything's a routine, everything's "fixed", planned, and everything/everyone is always in a rush!

"Did you finish high school yet?"
"3o'bal il jam3a inshalla"
"So how long until you graduate from jam3a? cham bogalik/ch?"
"No one proposed yet?"
"When's the wedding?"
"Did you get a job yet?"
"Are you pregnant yet?"
"So, when are you planning on retiring? Arya7!"

Sounds familiar?

I understand small talk, but sometimes these questions keep on coming up repetitively, and it's more than simply small talk or catching up with someone's life. That's when it gets annoying.

Seriously, what's the rush? If we're happy and satisfied, why do you have to keep nagging? Why can't we indulge in the spontaneous-ness of life? Why can't we live the moment for it? Why are we racing life when we all know it's a race we'll never win?

Let's face it. Inside every girl is a wish for a fairy tale; prince charming (who has it all), a big perfect wedding, and of course, the happily ever after. Sure, its nice hopes and wishes, but we all know that's all it's ever going to be. Logic, life, and experiences tell us it's simply not that simple.

The beauty of love is its impulsiveness, its uncertainty, the chemistry – the rush of feelings, inexplicable actions, the feeling of being "home", of finding your other half. It's finding you possessing freedom and power you never knew you had. You push your own boundaries further. You strive to be the best person you can be. Someone has faith in you; someone makes you feel like you deserve nothing less than the best.

What saddens me is how girls here take a chance on any "eligible" bachelor. Does she know him well enough? Is he the one she wants to wake up beside every morning for as long as she lives? Is she willing to commit herself entirely to him? Does she want to experience life side by side with him? Overcome the obstacles, enjoy the pleasures, raise up lives teaching them everything they learned, giving them their all, together making sure that those lives are the best they can be and have everything they need to be able to face the world when their time comes? How does she know he's willing to do the same?

What saddens me even more is when I hear girls say, "The man isn't important, my children are." The man's not important!? He's the father of your children. They need him as much as they need you. He supports them, and he helped bring them into this world as much as you did. They are your children, yours and him alike. If all you cared about was children why didn't you adopt some? There are many family-less children out there who need the love and support? Why not save a life instead of destroying them?

That's one mentality I fail to comprehend. No matter how much I try, I can't get it. It's ridiculous and extremely irresponsible!

So, if you give yourself up to the first so-called "eligible" bachelor that comes along, how are you sure he's the right one? That there's no one else out there who can make you happier? More comfortable? Make you want to be the best you can?

Why the rush!?

Today women lead independent lives. Why can't we feel secure without having a man? Why can't we learn to think independently and choose for ourselves? We've got this far, why let society's pressures get us?

The typical Kuwaiti scenario:
Arranged marriage, two month engagement period, wedding date set, girl starts floating around with hazy eyes, she's "in love" dreaming about her magical wedding. Basically, she bought herself a ticket to what I call, "La La Land". This trip lasts until reality and responsibility knock her back to Earth.

Is two months of chaperoned visits really enough to get to know a person? What's two months of a lifetime? Why don't we invest the effort we put in pleasing people and throwing a wedding to impress them on creating relationships?

It's great to hope, to be optimistic, but sometimes having our heads in the clouds doesn't work. Responsibility, commitment, understanding, sacrifice, love. Do we even know the magnitude and real meaning of these words?

Statistics tells us that 60% of all considerably new marriages here fail. So out of every 10 people you know, 6 are or probably will be divorced. That's a scary figure! Scary and worrying! Isn't it about time we wake up and as we say "inla7ig 3ala 3omirna?"

It's like a girls' life is programmed; you graduated from high school, and the haunt for a husband starts. Meanwhile you get a college degree and start working. Note, haunt for the husband is ALWAYS on.

And what's up with coming back from your honeymoon pregnant! After a couple of months of engagement. Can you honestly say that's responsible!? Sensible? A child; it's a world of responsibility, effort, and worry. It's a fulltime job with no breaks. You can't afford to keep making mistakes here, its outcomes are semi-permanent. It'll be engraved in your child's life.

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It's to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body"
--- ?

Yes, it's that big of a decision. It shouldn't be a routine of getting married and getting kids. It isn't getting kids to "secure" your husband's loyalty. And it's certainly not because they're cute and you want one! I'm not even going to bother with that last point because it's by far the most ridiculous thing I've heard my entire life! Yes, I've actually heard a couple of girls say that. They make Paris Hilton seem wise.

Let's face it, most of the time we have things handed down to us. Yes, we tend to take short cuts in most issues that really matter. Forget the preparation and cooking, we get our hot plates ready to be guzzled down.

By now you're probably thinking I'm being extremely pessimistic. I'm not. I'm sure this doesn’t apply to everyone, but I believe it does apply to many. Even if you believe it to be exaggerated, you can't deny there's some truth in it.

Let's consider university students: Their major concerns are their grades, and what to do one weekends. Notice the word "grade" and not learning. I've been here long enough it's impossible to deny the majority here don't care what they learn as much as what grade is given to them. Notice again, the word "given" and not "earned". No Siree! You don't earn anything here – it's given to you. Nagging, "wasta", lying cheating, whatever works! And let's not forget knowing everything about everyone. Female student concerns would probably also include clothes and makeup, even though they already won enough to dress a tiny African nation. Job you say? Family business! If not, then wasta. Otherwise it's hopeless! Or so they say.

No worries about bills or the future. No worries about making end of month's payments or where the cash is coming from. Okay, kids studying abroad, you do the bills, kudos to you! But the bigger and true responsibility is earning the money and managing it. Like kids here, you get the hot plate whenever you're hungry. We get it from dad, you get it from the government AND dad. Sure it's nice not to have those burdens of making ends month's payments, but is this really a gift, or is it something negative; something we should frown upon?

Back to my point: So basically, the average Kuwaiti was never used to be responsible, or committed for that matter. Hell, we can't even commit to showing up for a meeting, class, or appointment on time! Or doing what we're supposed to do when we're supposed to do it. Chitchatting or sms-ing in class, papers and 7ab at work anyone? If you don't have work, by all means enjoy. But when a professor is giving you the time of day and effort to teach you something, and you barge in 20 minutes late with your heels "chicking" and "chaking" with every step, looking like you're heading to some party at 8 am, and not having the decency to say you're sorry, please refrain from using your phones or talking to your neighbor. You're being disruptive and rude to professor. The thing that really gets to me, if when after barging 20 minutes late in that matter, they still throw a fit when they're considered absent. "il Dr. Na7eeees!" "Waaaaaay, ya khir-ha". They're NEVER wrong! One of the things I'd like to see here, is someone admitting they're wrong rather than blaming someone else.

Okay, so you're probably thinking "Shfeeha hathi" by now. Trust me, I have nothing against Kuwaitis, I don't hate them, or resent them or anything of that sort. It just saddens me how we have all the capabilities of being brilliant and we don't use them. The majority are irresponsible and believe they own the world. Everything should go the way THEY want it, WHEN they want it. And the rush! Everyone's ALWAYS in a hurry – driving for instance! Seriously shopping or a cup of coffee can wait for a few minutes if you'll spare risking your life and the lives of others. But driving is another issue all alone!

The typical day:
Wake up, work, lunch, sleep, go out maybe, home, sleep
Rinse, repeat

The weekends aren't much different:

Sleep till noon, lunch, outing, home, sleep
Throw in family visitations somewhere (usually lunch)
Rinse, repeat

The most spontaneous we have is probably the outing. Is life that boring? That much of a routine? What about love and marriage? We even managed to make a routine out of that.

It's like we rush through life as though it's a race on the same repeating track, same routine again and again, until one day we realize, the race is almost over when it feels like it never really started!

Why are we always in a rush? Why don't we embrace spontaneous-ity? Are we afraid of freely feeling? Freely thinking? Are we afraid of society's raw never-ending judgments? Man reached the moon, and we're still afraid of letting ourselves go? Still afraid to live, love, get hurt and learn? That afraid of the unknown territories that lie within us!? Afterall, it's only unknown because we choose not to head in that direction. This fear is the same one that led us to govern out feelings, the cause of being superficial, the cause of losing our identities, of standing out. Suddenly we all seem to merge, being the same – same places, same thoughts, same ideas. Simply the same.

But do we do it because we fear the future? Fear the unknown? Fear society? Or do we simply do it because everyone around us is doing it? Or perhaps its because we're "expected" to be that way – a part of our life's "routine"?

Think back to when you were a kid. I'm sure in everyone of us there was a desire to be a superhero – the next superman saving the world, to find a cure for some disease, to sell more records than Michael Jackson, act alongside John Travolta, be the next Shakespeare, win a Nobel prize. Whatever happened to these dreams?

Is it me or does it seem like barely anyone old enough has goals, let alone dreams and ambitions? And is it only me or does it seem that ambitions still exist in other parts of the word but are almost extinct here?

"The boy didn't know what a person's destiny was. It's what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone when they are young knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would life to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny."
- Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist

This force, what is it exactly? Society? Fear of failure? Pure sensibility?
Are dreams created to be sensible? Are hearts meant to be tamed?

Dare to dream…Dare to feel
Do more than just exist, start living!

"To truly live, one must be free with their emotions, and by this, I mean that a person can't hide from what they feel, and the happiness is only accompanies when they speak all worries and dreams."

" Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sail. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-- Mark Twain

Maybe I'm just in one of those moods, this might have been exagerated, but as I started writing this is what came out. Please understand that I didn't mean to offend anyone, judge, critize or hate; these are just my random thoughts.


  • Pessimistic? It sounds realistic to me:) Excellent post.

    By Blogger Dandoon, at 17/6/06 7:29 AM  

  • Everything you mentioned was true and you should know that there a lot of people out there who would agree with you.

    Kuwaitis (some of them if not most) are spoiled, irresponsible, careless, always looking for the easy way out, lazy, unoriginal and last but not least full of themselves.

    The sad part is that they have so much potential and they have all sorts of resources available at the tip of their fingers.

    Sometimes when I come across a typical Kuwaiti I just want to shake them and scream at them that the world does not revolve around you, and you are not God's gift to earth. Get off your lazy ass and do something useful in your life instead of wasting it away sleeping!

    Hopefully they will wake up and start changing!

    p.s. just for your information I too can be lazy and careless hey I am not perfect ;p

    By Blogger illusion, at 22/6/06 2:35 PM  

  • illusion: "they have so much potential and they have all sorts of resources available at the tip of their fingers. "
    My thoughts exactly! And sure everyone's lazy and careless sometimes, it's human nature :P It's not just the laziness! I guess the part that gets to me the most is the way they think they're incapable of making mistakes or not admitting to the harsh truth. Bas ya, inshalla one day we'll wake up.

    By Blogger dishevelled, at 23/6/06 12:10 AM  

  • wow.. r u IN MY FRECKIN HEAD???? deja vu !!!!!!!! ok u and i basically have the same damn mind ! i couldnt disagree with a thing u said :) whats ur horoscope?

    By Blogger Dr.Lost, at 23/6/06 11:35 PM  

  • sorry just realized, capricorn.. hmm.. im surprised u're not an aquarious!

    By Blogger Dr.Lost, at 23/6/06 11:37 PM  

  • Dr. Lost, LOL! Why? What are aquarius's like? :P

    I fit teh description of a Capricorn: I'm serious (which means nonstop ti7il6um in my case :P) and im stubborn! :P Damn Capricorns aren't fun! :P

    By Blogger dishevelled, at 26/6/06 11:12 PM  

  • what do u mean what r aquarians like? woman go read about us NOW !! we r the shiiiiiiiiit
    ;p really friendly, ppl's person, kind, etc.. seriously go read about us aquarians.. but anyways u really made me feel like u were in my head.. i agreed with so much of what u wrote.. and damn long ass post girl.. !! :)

    By Blogger Dr.Lost, at 29/6/06 3:33 AM  

  • OMG I agree that ur post is excellent, too!

    Everything u said is true. Whenever Im in a bad mood, i tell myself 'what kind of life r we living in? Is this routine or cycle is ever going to end? Where is the change?'

    Ma chooooofen many ppl enjoy il elections. Its not b/c of the politics. Its b/c it something different. Its a change.

    I believe that many ppls ambition is extinct in q8. Its b/c of the society that we r living in. There is a lot of stress on how we should turn out to be. If we didnt turn out the way society wants us to be, then we r outcast. Its sad.

    On the other hand, we should be optimistic and think that the 'better' change is along the side of the road :)

    By Blogger Bella Color, at 30/6/06 4:49 PM  

  • I enjoyed every word of this post. I wanted to copy paste the parts that hit home most but 9araw waaayid! I think all girls should read this when they get a marriage proposal, i know i will. Its a wake up call.

    Thank you I know it took a lot of effort to write that :)

    By Blogger Delicately Realistic, at 9/7/06 2:26 AM  

  • great post! Loved it!


    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9/7/06 10:12 AM  

  • i support u one hundred percent. i recently malacht, and soon will be living with my husband.. and im already starting to have the coldest feet... whats the rush.. why no one told me this before...

    they only kept telling me: when will u get married?

    i strongly advice u to enjoy every inch of ur singularity.. and love is not spontaneous.. but its not routine work either. . its a continous flow only if its love.. not a crush or a fling.

    By Blogger Bloo, at 9/7/06 11:52 AM  

  • Bella color: "Lots of stress on how we SHOULD turn out to be" - that's soo true, inshalla they start realizing it's about what we WANT to be :)

    DR: Aww, thanks! That actually made my day :)

    Flamingoyia: Thanks :)

    Vintage: lol, I didn't intend to cause any cold feet! :P The worry is about the huriness of people who aren't ready yet. Think 17 year olds still in high school, girls not emotionally or psychologically ready, who doesnt have the responsibilty, the couple both still being in school. Bas you're 26, that's a great age to get married. You're not too young, oo not too old, you're done with school and probably started working for a while now - settled down basically. Companionship is wonderful if you like the person you're marrying. So it's not the end of something, but a beautiful begining. So don't worry enshalla eveyrthing will turn out great. Congrats oo allah eywafgich :)

    By Blogger dishevelled, at 11/7/06 12:47 AM  

  • Interesting post. I think when you mentioned ambition, or lack of it, you are right. But my theory is not only do Kuwaitis lack ambition, they also lack hope. And money is the reason. When so many are wealthy and so many are assured places in the workplace (and don't fear losing those jobs) in a sense the hope for the future is no longer needed. All human beings have hope for a better life - more money, better jobs, better cars etc. When you have so much money and you don't need to work, why not drive around town showing off your wealth to those who are impressed? If you wreck that beautiful car, you just buy another.

    If you think about these guys in Ferraris etc, and think about joyriders in say, parts of the UK, who steal cars to wreck them, what they both have in common is lack of hope.

    Sadly, Kuwaitis are worse because to have money is to have opportunity but somehow they don't think. I don't wish to sound racist only that it is a sad state of affairs when there is so much potential for good, personal and collective. I wasn't there long enough to understand the reasons for this but I wonder if the roots are in the family upbringing or in education? There seems no desire to change the status quo.

    By Blogger Felicity, at 11/7/07 1:44 PM  

  • Another point, is that when sex is the biggest taboo in society, the desire for it becomes exaggerated. I would guess this is the reason so many young people rush into marriage.

    By Blogger Felicity, at 11/7/07 1:46 PM  

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