Outspoken Nothingness

Saturday, June 21, 2008

"Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again"

*It hurts to be hurt

*I'm not ready to grow-up. Not just yet. I haven't done half the things a "pre-adult" should do. What are they? I have no idea, but I don't feel ready. I actually feel ripped off my youth

*I turned into one of them...someone who talks just to fill the silence without saying anything worth saying The problem is: Because there's nothing to talk about, and I don't have much going on in my life, I fill the silence with bitching and complaining and nagging and whining. I HATE myself for that

*Why do I say yes when I always want to say no?

*Why am I always there for a friend who always needs me there when she's not not being there for me when in fact I need the space and she knows it?

*"She only got that for you because I got something for her last month when I went to Dubai. So she didn't want to give me something without also giving you something" (Regarding a "souqa"). This was said to be by a close friend when I described the girl as thoughtful for getting me a little something. Was that a little bit hurtful or am I being a bit too sensitive?

*All I want to do is live on a deserted island for a week or two with no human contact whatsoever, but given there is electricity and proper bathroom facilities. I just need some peace and quiet. Is that so much to ask for?

*I've gained 5 kilos in the past month. I feel too heavy for comfort.

*Even though nothing is going on in my life, where the only action I get is having dinner with friends, I feel very chaotic. Like I need to calm down. It's really taking a toll on me, and I have no idea how to control it.

*I want to do absolutely nothing and be absolutely useless, at the same time I want to be productive. It's driving me insane.

* I feel very empty....

* I want to feel better, and yet I feel there's nothing wrong. But then again, nothing is feeling good.

I am a mess!

11 Comments:

  • there's nothing wrong with complaining, even if it is just to fill the silence.

    By Blogger KTDP, at 21/6/08 8:57 AM  

  • ktdp, it started like that, but I guess it's getting out of hand. A really close friend got really bothered and blew up at me saying thats all i do and it keeps dragging and that it's very annoying to the point where he blanks off. And when you really think about it, who'd wanna spend time with a person who always complains all the time? :/ I'll be working on that though,...

    By Blogger dishevelled, at 21/6/08 2:58 PM  

  • wtf? she had no right to say that about the 9o'3a, a simple "3alaich ib alf 3afya" would've been fine!

    Anyways, 3alaich ib alf 3afya, akeed testahlain el 9o'3a :D

    And don't worry, life will go back to normal soon, I know how you're feeling now and it'll pass :*

    By Blogger Swair., at 21/6/08 7:08 PM  

  • *I tell you one thing the whole idea of 9oogha is stupid it causes so many problems i hate 9oghas!

    *Dont talk read ;p

    *Because you're nice. and you should start saying no... for your own sanity. and don't feel guilty about it.

    *you have to let them know.

    * Its a phase you'll pass it soon enough.

    By Blogger Skinny Bumblebee, at 23/6/08 11:10 AM  

  • Welcome to your 20's! The age where you thought you'd acquire that much coveted wisdom but got disappointed when all you feel right now is like a 16 years old kid with no freedom to act like one anymore.

    I agree with the bumblebee. Read, it helps fills the silence and it will also broaden your perspective in life.

    =D

    By Blogger Ana Filibini, at 25/6/08 12:30 PM  

  • answering your post's title:

    yes,,, :)

    By Blogger Exceer, at 1/7/08 4:08 PM  

  • who isn't ufff
    life sucks big time , i dont know we feel this way , we have everything el7mdellah yet we feel so lost :S
    i share a lot with you .,,,
    I think i am a mess too :S

    By Blogger OutOfReach, at 9/7/08 2:33 PM  

  • who isn't ufff
    life sucks big time , i dont know we feel this way , we have everything el7mdellah yet we feel so lost :S
    i share a lot with you .,,,
    I think i am a mess too :S

    By Blogger OutOfReach, at 9/7/08 2:33 PM  

  • Honey, if you stay this way for too long, then its better to see a dr about it. You never know what the underlying reasons are.

    By Blogger MiYaFuSHi, at 6/9/08 10:15 AM  

  • I still say I want to be such and such when I grow up. I don't think of myself as a 'grown up' at all.

    I have a perverse need to fill up the silence, but I choose the random tangents way. Perhaps next time you should sing praise to candied apples. Mmmm. God how I crave them.

    Don't forget entertainment on that deserted island. Books and DVDs, humanity can fend for itself for a while.

    By Blogger Eostre, at 6/9/08 4:22 PM  

  • 10 years from now .. people will look back at this blog and talk about you.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 3/11/08 7:38 PM  

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